Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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