Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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