Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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