I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize