Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize