Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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