so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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