Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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