Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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