I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
