Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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