He told me they were just razor bumps!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.