Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.