At least make sure they are 18
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry