did you get engaged???
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.