the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?