I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
