toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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