She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this boner is exhausting
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
