Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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