benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
