I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize