As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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