I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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