he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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