i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Randomize
