I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
