Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?