mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
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You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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