I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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