Someone shit on the floor
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
