is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
