i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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