The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
