I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
