Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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