Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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