my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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