there's paper in my vomit.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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