You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
