I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
