Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize