I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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