those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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