Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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