College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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