I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had sex on a roof
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.