Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.