this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
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If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.