If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.