My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.