we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator