i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....