also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.