I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.