he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
