they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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