you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i need an iv and a liver transplant
its not stalking. its research.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
