my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.