Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...