Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.