...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point