Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize