Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
